I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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