I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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