I wish my penis had an off switch
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
