Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize