Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize