Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
