if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
