i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
