I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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