I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
