1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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