If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize