were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My penis needs a shock collar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
