It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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