he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
