The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
