I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you would pick up someone in the library
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
