I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
