god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
