I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
