Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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