Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
