I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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