I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize