I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
MIDGETS
????
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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