sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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