she was so not down for the gang bang
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
