You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
