hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
