Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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