So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
