You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
