booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
