In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
