Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize