okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
