its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
