It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
