that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize