she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
