please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
