the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
