I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
