The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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