Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
