i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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