dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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