So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
