I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
