Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
