we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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