you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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