JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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