So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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