Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
