he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
