If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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