who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I smell stomach acid.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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