Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
