yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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