it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
