my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
