I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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