after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
