Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
