Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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