and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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