We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
