Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
