Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize