Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
